It’s been said that writing things ‘on paper’ helps with dealing with emotions, so what I’m about to present to you is basically my excerpt from a “Dear Diary”.
In two days I am turning 30. 30. The Big three-oh. I don’t know how and when that happened but there’s not much I can really do about it.
I’ve never been that person who cared much about their age, the numbers kept piling up and I was just going with the flow. All until this year.
30 has hit me like a ton of bricks and I don’t exactly know what to do about it.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s as much the age as the frame of mind that the looming decade change has put me into. It’s had me dealing with questions I should have been probably been thinking about long before this. I’ll be 30, single, with no kids. What does that say about me? Do I want to get married? Do I want kids? If so, I’m going to have to get my ass in gear soon, these ovaries aren’t going to last forever.
Most of my friends are already married (or getting married soon) which means babies won’t be far around the corner. Which is going to mean big changes to our “circle” and how we operate. Do I want to join the crowd or will I forever be spinster “Aunt Terri” who takes care of the kids when the parents go out for a night, but am never that parent. These are all the things that are currently plaguing my brain.
Where is my life going? What are my accomplishments? Sure, I’m decently well traveled and I have a fun circle of family and friends, but what else? I never did write that novel I’ve had in the back of my head for the better part of five years. I never lived up to that childhood dream of becoming a sports journalist. Where am I going professionally? Is this really what I want to be doing?
Logically, I know I’m still (relatively) young and have some time to figure myself out, but I’m not going to convince myself that this time is endless, when it is not.
This decade of my life will probably bring about more change than any other, and am I equipped to deal with that? I sure as hell hope so.
Why am I even writing this? I feel like I’m probably not the only one who’s dealing with these hard hitting emotions and I just want you to know you are totally not alone. I think, as the clock nearly strikes on my “champagne birthday” that I’m finally reaching the acceptance part of my 30’s emotional crisis, but let me tell you, it has not come easily.
On the good side, in a way, perhaps this crisis will be good for me. As I said, it’s already made me question things I should have already been doing, so now maybe I’ll stop being so paresseaux (fancy way of saying lazy) and finally start making progressive changes in my life. I can do it, right?
To my 20’s, I will miss you fondly and the fun times you’ve brought me, and I am basically giving you up kicking and screaming. To my 30’s, well, I hope you manage to exceed your former decade, no matter how hard that is to think about right now.