I’m Yelling Tinder

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for a rant.

Before I start this, just know that I come from a long line of cynical and sarcastic women, it’s built into my blood, I cannot (and would not want to) change this.

From time to time, as many single ladies do, I’ve been known to take a peruse of the dating sites. Lately I’ve been using Tinder more so than the older favourites of Plenty of Fish, Match, etc just because it seems to be the most popular in my area. What I’ve been learning through using these sites is – sorry men, but you suck.

Why oh why do you insist on thinking that all ladies are going to fall for the BS that you’re spilling out. Some of what you think is ‘sweet’ is downright creepy.

Case and point:

Tinder Dude: “What are you doing tonight?”

Me: “Staying at home, I’m not feeling too well”

Tinder Dude “Oh baby, that’s so sad. I wish I could come over and snuggle with you and rub your back”.

At this point, we’ve been talking for about five minutes.


1. I don’t like being coddled when I’m sick. By anyone. Ever. You know how in elementary school gym class you would have to stick your arms out to create a “personal space” so that you didn’t get in anyone’s way when exercising? Yeah, do that, times three.

2. Rub my back? No thanks. Had you said “aw that sucks, want me to come over and continue hitting the “yes, I am still here” button on your Netflix while you’re half asleep” that would be acceptable.

Another example

Me: “Yeah, I’m really into hockey. Been a fan since I was a kid.”

Tinder Dude: “A hockey fan? Oh that’s so cute! Do you think the players are hot”

CUTE. You’re calling my life’s passion CUTE?

Also this induced a blood pressure rising rage in my body, as my biggest peeve is men assuming that women watch sports for the “hotness of the men”. One, playoff beards are generally pretty gross. 2. NO JUST NO. I could, and probably will, go on a full rant about my hatred of this statement.

GFY dude, GFY.

I get the feeling that some guys have this horribly misguided view on what they think they should say to impress a woman. Sure, there are probably some people out that think I’m being too harsh, but that’s just how I operate.

I don’t want you to call me anything cutesy, I don’t want you to belittle me and I sure as hell don’t want you to make creepy sexual innuendos when I haven’t even met you in person.

I just want someone to have a real conversation with. Tell me about yourself, tell me about your interests, tell me anything at all, just don’t assume that I’m some innocent little flower that wants sweet nothings whispered into her ear.

On an unrelated note, the title of this post was inspired by the Pitbull/Kesha song “Timber” which every time I hear, I change the word Timber to Tinder. I dare you not to do the same.

2 thoughts on “I’m Yelling Tinder”

  1. PREACH! My favorite guy thing – when they yell out “Hey, Baby!” and get mad when you don’t acknowledge them. Nope, try again. I’m not your “baby” and I certainly don’t want you yelling at me from across the parking lot.

    Don’t even get me started on online dating!

    1. Omg is it not the MOST frustrating? I’ve had so many bad experiences/conversations. I keep hoping to ‘stumble across’ someone the old fashioned way, but that even seems like a challenge lately!

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